whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
