She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
