i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
