watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
