I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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