Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
