Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
