I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
