after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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