You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
