Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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