apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
