There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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