just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
