I smell stomach acid.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
