We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
