ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
