I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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