Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
