Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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