And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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