im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
