if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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