I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i think my tv is drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
