Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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