My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
