Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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