when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
