Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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