I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
