Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
