Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
