if you like me you must not know who I am
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
