final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
zippers are such a cool invention
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
