I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
