I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
