I'm passing your future prison.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
