he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
