Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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