all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
