soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
