just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
