My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
