It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, beer. Big fan.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
