I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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