ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
