I am spending my child support on dildos
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
