dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
