does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
