wakey wakey hands off snakey
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
