is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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