If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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