what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
